What Hurts the Most
by PrimeSidesXX
Summary: Sunstreaker is missing... but the reason behind it isn't what everyone at first things.


*Title:* What Hurts the Most

*Author: *Leslie

*Rating: *PG-R, not sure, just saying R to be safe for like swear words

and such

*Characters: *Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Ironhide, Prowl, Prime, Ratchet

and a few others

*Summary: */Sunstreaker walked away… or did he?/

*Disclaimer: *They aren't mine, they never will be, so please don't sue

me. Thanks!

*A/N: *The title comes from the Rascall Flatts song "What Hurts the

Most" but it's not really a song fic. I just happened to be listening to

the song when this story came to mind. I also took some inspiration from

the Nickelback song "If Everyone Cared".This is my first Transformers

fic and it'll be 2007 movie verse and since I haven't seen the series in

so damn long, there will probably be cannon issues. Anyway. Please read

and review and please be kind. Thanks and enjoy.

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe POV/*

I'm not sure how it happened or even when. All I know is I came online

one morning and he was gone. His bunk was empty, everything in our room

in its place, and a painting left to dry on the desk in our quarters. I

had been in the infirmary for a week and had returned to our quarters

the day before. Sunny had been somewhat quiet but he'd done everything

he could for me. He'd half carried me down the hallways and into our

quarters. He'd put me in the bottom bunk so I didn't have to try and

strain a gasket getting into the top bunk. He'd brought me an energon

drink for dinner and sat with me until I faded offline.

The last thing he said to me was that no matter what, he hoped I would

always know he'd never be far away from me. I didn't think anything

about it at the time but now… now I sit here in our quarters, on the

cold metal floor, and I wait for the day when he comes back because I

know he will. He promised he'd never leave me alone. I just wish I could

remember what happened before I ended up in the infirmary. I wish I knew

what had happened while I was there. No one will talk to me about it.

Prowl just tells me not to worry and that it'll all be okay soon enough.

He won't tell me where Sunny went or if he's coming home anytime soon.

He says very little.

Ratchet just gives me this fatherly look every time he comes to check on

me. I think he knows something but he's reluctant to say. I haven't

dared to ask Prime. There are times when I think he hates Sunny but he's

a leader and leaders don't hate their warriors. Do they? I've seen Prime

whenever Bumblebee has been injured. It kills him to leave the little

one behind. I remember when we first got him back from the Decepticons

all those years ago… his voice box had been ripped out and that wasn't

even the worst of it all. Sometimes I think Prime must have had a hand

in Bumblebee's creation. I'd never ask, but I think maybe Prime knows

what it's like to lose someone that's close.

Ironhide checks on me, takes me with him on patrol but it's not the same

as it was when Sunny was here. Sunny is my other half, the part of me

that's cold, hard and grounded just like I am the part of him that's

warm, sincere and irrational. We each need the other to survive, so why

isn't he here…

* * *

><p>*Ratchet POV/*

I keep watching the kid wander through the halls looking for all the

world like someone kicked his robodog. For all intents and purposes,

they might have. Without his twin, Sideswipe is not his normal self at

all. In some ways, I think we all knew it would be like this. We all

knew that without one, the other would slowly begin to fade away from

us. I've watched him and I see what he's doing, even if he doesn't

realize he's doing it. The humans call it withdrawal, depression, grief.

We're not human but Sideswipe is exhibiting all those symptoms and more.

He refuses to recharge unless Ironhide or Prowl drags him down to me and

makes him recharge. He's trying to shut himself down.

I told Prime we should have told him the truth, but Prime wanted to

wait. He wanted proof. He needed to be sure. It's been weeks and that

hard-aft yellow bastard is still gone. The blow up leading to his

disappearance had been long coming we all knew it. I guess we just all

thought Sideswipe'd be able to control him. But then there'd been the

accident and the red twin had found himself in my infirmary for a week.

His brother had only left his side twice during that whole week, the

last time being the catalyst that set all of this in motion.

Prowl keeps telling me that everything will work itself out. I keep

telling myself that it's not going to be that easy. Ever since Prowl and

the twins had arrived, along with a dozen others in slow succession,

things had not been easy at all. Jazz's demise had taken a toll on many,

especially Prowl. I knew then that Jazz had tried to tell the older

autobot goodbye when we'd left at Bumblebee's signal but Prowl had told

him there was not going to be any goodbyes. He'd join us as soon as he

could…

Prowl had been the first to arrive after the call sent out by Optimus

Prime after Megatron's defeat. The twins had come shortly thereafter,

having been in the state of California when the call had come. Wheeljack

arrived a week later with Mirage and Cliffjumper. Personally, it would

have been best if Cliffjumper hadn't come, but I'll never voice that

opinion out loud. Everyone knows how much trouble Cliffjumper causes the

twins…

But I digress. I was talking of my twins wasn't I? I say 'my twins'

because I probably know more about them – inside and out – than anyone

else, including their creator. All I can say, as I sit here in the

common room and watch Sideswipe walk back to his quarters, is I hope

that someone tells him the truth soon. Otherwise, we'll have lost them both.

* * *

><p>*Prowl POV/*

I have had great reservations about all of this from the very beginning.

I voiced my concerns to Optimus Prime but at the time he simply told me

that it was for the best. I disagreed with that assessment, but he is

our leader and we follow his lead no matter what. I am his second in

command and yet, there are times when I wonder what is going on his

cranial unit and why he does not share his complete thoughts and plans

with me. Perhaps this time it would have been better had he done so.

Perhaps things would not have come to this…

The twins have always been a source of… shall we say interesting times

around here. So it was no surprise to anyone that when Sunstreaker

disappeared, Sideswipe began to slowly withdraw from everyone and

everything. For the last millennia or so, they had never been separated.

Ever. Where there was one, you'd find the other and vice versa. Warrior

mech twins. I had never heard of such a thing until the day I met them.

Imposing. Intimidating. They stood at least a head taller than most

autobots, including myself. Everyone seemed to get along just fine with

Sideswipe, but most of us stayed far away from Sunstreaker. It was safer

that way, for us and for his brother.

Reckless to a fault, both of them, and merciless to any who dared harm

the other. This is why we have not told Sideswipe the full truth of his

brother's disappearance. It is why we have not told him about the other

missing member of our team. This is why we remain quiet and watch the

red mech slowly fade away from us. Because we know that should we reveal

the nature of all that happened leading up to his own accident and then

to his twin's disappearance, heads would roll. Literally.

I have a great deal of respect for the twins. They are unique. Granted,

there are brothers among our kind, Prime and Megatron prominent among

them, but they are few and far between. Twins are all together something

rare. It is not supposed to happen, and yet, it did and they are the

functioning proof of such. Sustained by a single core of energy that

split, they share memories, thoughts, feelings, everything. This is one

thing that has me concerned. Sideswipe should know what happened. We did

not count on Sunstreaker protecting his brother – and us – throughout

all of this. Maybe we underestimated the yellow mech; maybe we should

have known better…

* * *

><p>*Optimus Prime POV/*

This was not what I had planned on happening. None of us had seen it

coming but I guess, in hindsight, we should have. Sunstreaker warned us

when he first arrived but none of us listened to him. None of us ever

did listen to him. So different from his twin, Sunstreaker often took

the 'shoot/torture/kill first, question later' approach. That is not

what we are, how we operate. I have heard the whispers, here and back on

Cybertron, that Sunstreaker was geared more towards being a Decepticon

than an Autobot. The only thing that kept him with us was his brother.

Sideswipe is a good warrior. They both are good warriors. I was there

the day they were created, but I was not Prime back then. I was Orion

Pax and I was a warrior, much like they are now. I saw what drove

Sunstreaker to what he became and I saw what kept Sideswipe from a

similar fate. I would do whatever I could for them both, even if there

are times when I would like to deactivate the yellow mech. I would never

take one from the other.

And yet… that is exactly what I have done. I have done what most would

consider the 'right thing'. Sam has told me of a saying from a science

fiction movie that says, 'Sometimes the good of the many outweigh the

good of the few or the one'. I think, perhaps, I should have done what

was good for Sunstreaker and told the others to go straight to the pit.

He wouldn't let me, though. He took the decision out of my hands and now

he is gone. He has been gone for far too long. I will have to tell his

twin soon and that thought alone sends my thoughts back to Cybertron all

those centuries ago…

/TBC/

* * *

><p>*Chapter 2: How it all began*<p>

Disclaimers can be found in the previous chapter.

* * *

><p>*(Thousands of years ago...)*<p>

Cybertron was a world unlike any other during peaceful times. The

technology was endless and the abilities of the robots were vast. At

peace, life on Cybertron was something everyone there seemed to enjoy.

Cybertron at war, however, was a harsh and deadly world. And so were

here children. Especially those led by the young and ambitious one known

as Megatron; Megatron, who had betrayed the faith and beliefs of his

older brother and had turned his abilities and power towards evil.

It was Megatron who first sought to separate the young mech warrior

twins. He wasn't much older than them and he knew Optimus Prime had been

present at their creation. He knew his brother had a soft spot for the

brothers and Megatron wanted to take them from him. Specifically the

brother called Sunstreaker. He saw within Sunstreaker a coldness and

ambition that rivaled only himself. And he saw Sideswipe as an obstacle,

something to be cast aside and destroyed.

And so it was that, on one horrible deadly day that Megatron sent the

Seekers out after the twins with orders to capture any and all who came

in their path, but specifically Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. The Seekers,

Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp, returned mere hours later with

four prisoners; a talkative show off named Jazz, a youngling called

Bumblebee and the warrior twins.

Megatron watched in silent amusement as the four were brought before

him. Starscream shoved Sideswipe rather harshly and the mech lost his

footing and fell to the ground. Sunstreaker turned immediately and

punched the Seeker hard enough to send him flying across the room.

"Touch my brother again and I will kill you slowly, gut you and sell

your parts for scraps," he threatened. Megatron knew he wasn't kidding.

And now, the evil leader had something to use as incentive to keep

Sunstreaker at his side. It only took one day of forcing Sunstreaker to

watch his twin assaulted by the Seekers before the mech agreed to work

with Megatron and his forces.

And all it took to destroy that pact was when, the very next day, he

watched as Starscream shot his brother full charge in the chest as

Sideswipe tried to rescue Bumblebee from Megatron. Sideswipe lay there,

draining vital fluids onto the cold, metal floor as Sunstreaker began to

systematically and mercilessly gun down everyone in that room. Only

Megatron and Starscream managed to escape with their lives, but they

were both severely injured. Sunstreaker's actions were too late, though,

for the younger bot. Megatron had ripped out his vocal transponders and

Sunstreaker knew there was no way to repair that kind of damage. He

freed Jazz and together the two of them carried their injured comrades

back to base.

That night, Optimus Prime began to see the transformation begin in the

quieter twin. When Sunstreaker disappeared that night and the next no

one knew where he'd gone and no one was foolish enough to ask. Sideswipe

lay dying in the infirmary and Bumblebee lay silent in his quarters.

Jazz had sequestered himself with Prowl and no one had any answers.

When Sunstreaker returned, he was dented, bruised and looked as though

he'd fought an entire war all on his own. In his hands he held a gray

sack, which he dropped at Prime's feet before making his way to the

infirmary and to his brother's side.

"I'm here, Sides," Ratchet and Prime both heard him whisper. "I swear to

you on my very core that I will never let you be hurt again by anyone.

And I swear to you, here and now, the I will never leave your side or

let anyone ever separate us again."

Prime later told Ratchet that the sack had contained various parts of

each robot responsible for the final assaults against Sideswipe and

Bumblebee. He never condemned the younger robot for his actions.

Instead, Prime destroyed the sack and kept the incident out of

Sunstreaker's records.

Sunstreaker had made his decisions during those two days he was gone.

Upon his return, he asked Ratchet to erase Sideswipes memory banks of

everything that had happened to him. Ratchet had reluctantly agreed.

That same night, Sunstreaker finally approached Prime behind closed

doors and told him everything that had happened and everything he'd done

as a result.

As days passed, Sideswipe grew worse and Prime, fearing for

Sunstreaker's sanity, cornered him and shut him down. Ratchet took the

now offline twin to the infirmary and secured him to a table near his

brother. If Sideswipe woke, they would re-instate his twin. If Sideswipe

died, they would leave Sunstreaker off line as well.

It took several weeks before Sideswipe finally opened his eyes. When he

turned, he saw his brother and knew Sunstreaker was offline. He begged

and pleaded with Ratchet to bring him back but Ratchet refused, stating

that, until Sideswipe was completely healed, there was no one to contain

Sunstreaker. Sideswipe knew the robot was right and so he focused on

getting better so his brother could be returned to him.

When the twins were both finally online once more, Prime noticed the

differences and knew nothing would ever be the same again. Sideswipe had

returned to them carefree, reckless and full of life once more, but his

brother had become vigilant, hardened and cold. As time went on, the

twins grew apart and Sunstreaker's rampages came more frequently and

Sideswipe never knew why.

The Great War raged on until Cybertron was destroyed and her children

were scattered throughout the universe. Prime wondered when he would

find the twins again and if anything would have changed when he did…

* * *

><p>*Prime POV*<p>

My thoughts have taken me to places I have not visited in far too long.

By the time we were all reunited here on Earth, we had all forgotten

that Sunstreaker would do whatever it took to protect his brother. We

also forgot that, friend or foe, to cross one was to incur the wrath of

the other. We should have remembered. Megatron and Starscream should

have remembered…

As I watch, Sideswipe walks out of the caves and into the rain, looking

out across the open road. Once again, there are no memories for him, his

brother having done all he could to save not just his physical form but

his mental form as well. Once again, Sunstreaker has saved Sideswipe,

but at what final cost?

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe POV*<p>

I know he's alive. I wouldn't be here if he wasn't. We can't live if the

other is dead; we wouldn't want to. It is something we've discussed on

more than one occasion. So, I know he's alive, I just don't know where

he's gone. I feel a faint spark that tells me, no only is he alive, but

that he misses me and worries for me. I can only hope he knows that I

miss him too. I hope he can feel that, no matter what he's done, I want

him to come back home to me. Yes, I said no matter what.

I hard hushed rumors today. I don't know if they are true but I heard

them nonetheless…

Cliffjumper had been seen with Thundercracker not too long ago…

I was ambushed during my last patrol… ambushed by the Seekers…

Sunstreaker is the one who found me, nearly dead. He proceeded to

immediately kill and behead two of the Seekers outright. He then spent

his time slowly killing Thundercracker in ways I don't even want to know…

It was murder, or so I hear, cold-blooded and vicious…

Afterwards, he returned me to base but said nothing to anyone about what

had happened to my attackers… and then he went after Cliffjumper…

Two days before I woke, the trouble-making mini-bot went missing… The

day after I woke, Sunny disappeared.

Someone said he killed Cliffjumper and Prime had him deactivated for good…

But I still feel him… I know he's alive and I know…

"Sideswipe?" I look behind me to find my leader watching me, his face a

mask of concern and perhaps even a little fear.

"Yes, Optimus?" I answer quietly, almost nervously. Is this it? Is this

when he tells me the truth? Is this when I learn that my brother has

betrayed me and gone to the other side as some have hinted? Or is this

when I learn he really is deactivated and that it's just my foolish hope

that keeps me from accepting the truth?

"We need to talk. I think it's time." He turns and without a word I

follow him.

Tonight I will find the truth…

* * *

><p>*TBC… (next chapter is Sunstreaker's POV)/*

*Chapter 3: Forgiven*

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

I watch as Optimus lead's Side's back into the caves that we use as our

base and I choke back the desire to call out to him; to reassure him

that I'm alive and that I haven't left him. But I can't. Not yet. He

doesn't know what happened – back on Cybertron ore out here more

recently. I've done everything I can to protect him. I always will. He

is my twin and I love him.

That's why I left. To protect him. To protect them all. Only Prime knows

the truth and soon, Side's will know and then I'll let him decide what

he wants. I will do whatever he asks of me.

I should have hunted down and destroyed the Seekers back on Cybertron

but I didn't. I knew then that I had to get Sideswipe and Bumblebee back

to base or we'd lose them both. I went back later and cut off pieces of

the ones I'd killed. I'm not really sure why I did it, or how long I

stayed here. I only know I did it; and that I gave those pieces to Prime

and he never said a word.

It's been raining now for days, ever since I left and the rain is an

extension of my tears. Not that I can cry, but if I could, my grief and

my anger would fill an ocean with tears.

What led me here, standing in the rain, watching my beloved twin from

afar, following our leader inside once more? What chain of events caused

me to leave him alone, hurting, still recovering? What have I done that

rips my core to shreds and makes me feel as if I am bleeding out all

that keeps me alive?

What I have done, what I did… are things I cannot change now. I look

down at my battered hands and sigh heavily. My paint is chipped and I am

heavily dented in more places than I can count. I am missing part of my

chest plate and my left optic is dark. At least I still have my voice.

At least I still have my life.

The same cannot be said for others.

As I stand here, hidden from my twin and my fellow Autobots, I can

vaguely remember a time before I was like this; before I was angry,

bitter, harsh and cold. Back on Cybertron I was an artist. I was

emotional, caring, friendly and sociable. Back on Cybertron, Side's was

a dealer so to speak. You could take him to any market, anywhere on the

planet, and he could haggle and sell with the best of them. He could

also infiltrate anything and anyone if need be. That's what made him so

fragging good at his jobs. Not me. Never in a million life times would I

have ever guessed that we would become warriors.

And yet we are, two of the best Optimus commands and I'm not saying

these things to boast or brag. It's a fact, much like the fact that this

war will never end. But I never wanted my twin to become as I had. It is

why I have done the things I've done. It's why I know that, soon, I will

have to choose between his life and mine and the choice is already made.

There is nothing I wouldn't give to keep him safe. Nothing I wouldn't do

to make sure he is well guarded, even though he will never know that. He

knows he has my love; he is the only person who deserves such an emotion

from me. He is the only one who could ever garner such an emotion from

me anymore. All he has to do is look at, watch me in a certain way,

speak to me in a certain tone of voice, and I am his to command. The

ironic thing is, I don't think he knows that. I don't think he fully

understands what he does to me. I don't think he ever will.

But I have done things now that may change all of that… I have ended

what began so many years ago…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

Optimus has led me to his office and we sit in silence for a few moments

before he leans back and begins to speak.

"What do you remember about your life on Cybertron, before we all left?"

he asks quietly.

"Not much," I reply, thinking hard. "I remember my time as a marketer, I

know Sunny was an artist before the war and that he wasn't always such a

hardass. I remember, just before the last part of the Great War, that he

began to change. He would explode at nothing at all and his anger would

last for great lengths of time…" I trail off and look up at my leader

slowly. "Why do you ask? What has happened to my brother?"

"Please, believe me when I say your brother is alive," Prime began

softly, "and that when you are ready, he will return. But for the

moment, I just ask you to listen." I nod slowly, some of my fear

abating. Sunny's alive. For the moment, that's all I need to hear. After

a moment, Prime looks at me and I nod slowly. "Very well. Many years

ago, when we were on Cybertron, just before the end of the Great War,

you, Sunstreaker, Jazz and Bumblebee were captured by the Decepticons.

You have no memory of this, do you?"

"No," I answered quietly, wondering why. "Were my memory chips damaged?"

Prime slowly shook his head.

"Your brother… how do I explain this…" Prime brought a hand up to his

optics and covered them for a moment.

"We obviously have time, Optimus," I said quietly. "But please, just

explain it to me in some way." He lowered his hand and nodded slowly.

"Your brother has always had your safety and well being first and

foremost in his mind, much as you feel the same towards him. Your

capture was well planned by Megatron. He wanted your brother to join him

and, after being given the proper incentive, Sunstreaker agreed." I

looked at him in shock but I couldn't speak at that moment. Sunny was a

Decepticon? "But it didn't take long for him to go back on his word to

Megatron. All it took was watching you try to save Bumblebee and be shot

down for it. Sunstreaker broke and turned on everyone in that room. He

killed them all without mercy and managed to severely injure Megatron

and Starscream in the process. He freed Jazz and together the two of

them got you and Bumblebee back to base. You were dying and Bumblebee's

vocal processors had been destroyed." I nod slowly.

"I knew Bee had been hurt badly before we scattered, but I never knew

how or why."

"When Megatron told him to give up the location of our base, Bumblebee

refused. For his silence, Megatron ripped out his vocal processors,

damaging them forever. You were shot in the chest full on by his ion gun

and barely survived. Sunstreaker brought you back to base and then

disappeared for two whole days. I thought he had returned to the

Decepticons and I was fully prepared to go after him if he didn't

return. But he came back…" Prime sighed heavily. "When he returned, he

brought with him a bag of parts from all the Decepticons that had taken

part in the assault upon you and Bumblebee. He handed it over to me and

we never spoke of it again."

"Why can't I remember any of this?" I asked softly.

"Sunstreaker had your memory banks erased of the capture, torture and

your return. He did not want you to become hardened by all that was

happening. It was his way of saving, not just your physical form, but

your mental form as well…"

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

I remember back to the days on Cybertron when I thought I was going to

lose Side's. I was beside myself with grief. I exploded at everyone and

Prowl found that he could no longer put me in solitary. It did no good.

I only injured myself. Finally, Prime cornered me and deactivated me. I

remember, as I my body began to shut down, that I didn't want to wake up

again if it meant living my life without…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

"…his twin. I knew that if you didn't wake, I would never again be able

to bring him back online." I nodded slowly. I knew this as well. I only

wish I had the memories.

"What about now, Prime? Why is he gone? What happened to cause him to

erase my memory banks this time?" Part of me was angry, angry that Sunny

had thought he had the right to control my life in this manner. How

could he do this to me, take away parts of me that I needed to have?

"Several weeks ago, we received word that there was a possible spy among

our ranks. Ever since Starscream returned with reinforcements, we knew

it was only a matter of time before he struck at us again. During a

patrol, Ironhide and Sunstreaker came across what looked like Cliffjumper…"

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

…talking with that damn Seeker, Thundercracker, the one most responsible

for the assault on my brother all those years ago. I knew Ironhide saw

my anger, knew the rage that was flowing through my capacitors, but he

kept his peace and we returned to base once more. We spoke to Prowl and

he told us there had to be some logical reason for what we saw. I like

Prowl as well as the next Autobot, but sometimes, he's too logical for

his own damn good. I knew the reason. The mini-bot was a traitor, but no

one wanted to hear that. They all thought I was just being unreasonable,

which most of them thought I was full time anyway.

They were wrong…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

"…and we paid for our mistake dearly," Prime finished quietly. I needed

a moment to process all of this and I guess he knew that because he

didn't start up again right away. I bowed my head into my hands and just

sat there. Sunny's inability to socialize or function well within our

group had caused the others to think him unreasonable and that had led

up to whatever had happened to drive him away. Again, part of me was mad

at my twin, but part of me was mad at everyone else, too. I slowly

raised my head and nodded towards Prime to continue.

"A few days after the sighting, you were out on patrol with Mirage. You

split up, agreeing to meet back at base, and not long after, you were

ambushed by Thundercracker, Skywarp and Ramjet. During the ambush, you

were gravely injured and a weak call back to base fell into

Sunstreaker's hands. He left without warning and no one thought anything

of it. When Mirage returned and you didn't, we searched the message

files and found your distress signal. Along with myself, Ratchet, Prowl

and Ironhide found the area where you'd been attacked. We were too late

to do anything, though."

"But I'm alive, I mean, what happened?"

"You were barely alive and Sunstreaker had gone almost mad with his

fury. Ramjet and Skywarp had been killed fairly quickly, judging by

their injuries. Thundercracker, however…"

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

…suffered a great deal at my hands. I first blew out his knees, which

grounded him for the remainder of his time. I then began to slowly and

systematically shoot off smaller body parts as I very calmly reminded

him of all he'd done to Sideswipe back on Cybertron. He begged me for

mercy, there towards the end, but I was beyond mercy. All I could see

before my optics was the sight of my brother… my twin… the other half of

my life… bleeding out on that cold, metal floor, fluids covering him,

dents and scrapes, his optics fading, his voice harsh from screaming,

begging for mercy and it never came. When I finally heard the roar and

hum of my comrades closing in, I raised my gun and shot off his head.

Before leaving him, though, I ripped off his Decepticon shield and hid

it within my chest wall.

I saw the look Prime gave me when he arrived and surveyed the scene

before him. It was fear mixed with sadness and I knew my time was short.

I knelt next to my brother and held him in my arms, pleading with him to

stay awake just a little long. Once Ratchet had him stabilized, we

placed him into Prime's trailer and we headed back to base. I followed

close behind; I carried him to the infirmary…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

"…and once you were there, Sunstreaker left and went in search of

Cliffjumper." He stopped again and I was glad he had done so. This was

all too much to take in. I didn't understand. I looked up at him and

tried to speak, to ask, to say something, but nothing came out. I stood

up then and paced the office slowly and quietly.

Sunstreaker had gone beyond a simple rescue and extraction. He had

tortured Thundercracker and then murdered him. That alone should have

gotten him a trial and a very long time in confinement… I stopped short

and looked over at Prime.

"Why didn't anyone take Sunny into custody after he returned to base?"

He looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected such a question from me.

"We had no idea what he'd done until later, when your memory banks were

being searched and erased. You saw everything he did, Sideswipe. You

watched your brother kill Skywarp and Ramjet and then torture and murder

Thundercracker." For a moment I didn't understand what he was telling me

and then it set in and I collapsed on to the floor, my back against the

wall. Prime came from around the desk and knelt before me. "By the time

we knew what had happened, you were awake and he was gone."

Gone… but gone where… and why… I slowly shook my head. I didn't

understand. I couldn't make myself comprehend everything and then…

"What happened to Cliffjumper?"

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

Prime told me I would need proof of my charge in order to prove my

actions had been just. I told him I'd get him his damn proof and I had

it, too, but it had come at a cost. I knew I was damaged and I knew my

time was short, but I refused to return to that base until Side's came

for me.

I had confronted Cliffjumper the day of Side's ambush and he'd gotten

defensive and told me to take a long walk off a short cliff. I knew he

was the traitor but no one else would believe me. They thought I was in

shell shock from Sideswipe's attack. They all knew he was dying. I saw

it in their optics. Even Prowl was worried he'd have to deactivate me

but I swore I would kill anyone who tried. When Side's finally woke and

I got him back to our quarters, I vowed to find the reason behind his

attack, no matter what the cost. Even if it cost me the love of my brother.

I followed 'Jumper's trail back to an abandoned building where I found

him talking with Dirge. I hadn't even known Dirge had arrived until

then, but it looked as if I'd just taken out half the Seekers without a

second thought. Dirge was nervous, I could tell, and the mini-bot wasn't

much happier. I knew then I had the right traitor. I just needed proof.

I followed them back to their base and slipped inside, moving and hiding

through the walls, hearing conversations, recording words and pictures

as much as I could before trying to get out of there and back to my own

base.

Getting out, however, proved much more difficult than getting in…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

"Do you know where Sunstreaker is?" I asked quietly, having calmed down

a little for the moment. Prime nodded slowly.

"You must understand that, without proof to justify his actions,

Sunstreaker will be tried and he will be shut down; permanently. This is

not something I can hide any longer. Too many people know what's

happened, or at least they think they know. To allow him to return

without anything said or done could cause a mutiny and we can not have

infighting if we hope to win this war." I nodded slowly, almost sadly.

"He wants my permission to come home, doesn't he?" Prime nodded again.

"He knows what will happen and yet he will face his punishment if it

means that you have forgiven him."

"What if he has proof?" Prime sighed heavily.

"If he has proof than he might be safe. But we still have to deal with

his actions towards the Decepticons the day you were attacked. We are

not murderers, Sideswipe, you know that."

"I know, Prime. What must I do to bring him home?"

"Walk outside and wait for him…"

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

And so, here I stand, the rain falling all around me, growing heavier by

the hour. I hear thunder in the distance and I see lightening begin to

flash. I hold the proof of my actions within me and my outward

appearance shows how I got away. No one will doubt my loyalty even if

they doubt my sanity.

For a brief moment, I look up and as the lightening flashes again I see

him walking out of the caves and into the rain. For a moment, I feel

something within me tighten, close around me and envelope me and I know

it is my core reacting to his. He turns and he looks right at me and I

know I have to acknowledge his presence. I step out from behind the tree

and for a moment I hesitate. Time is short, but for a moment I am

afraid. We look at each other through the rain, across the barren land

and then he begins to walk towards me and I towards him.

We meet there, in the middle of the road and he looks at me, sees the

damage done to me by our enemies and I know that, if he could cry, his

tears and mine would mingle and entwine much the way our bodies do now

as he drags me into his arms and tells me I am forgiven…

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

What else could I do? He is my brother, my twin, my beloved and nothing

he does will ever make me feel less for him. As I hold him there in my

arms and whisper words of forgiveness that he seems to need so

desperately, I realize now what I have been feeling all along. The pain

within my chest begins to lessen, it doesn't hurt now because he's home,

he's in my arms and I can feel his body against mine once more. Nothing

he's done will ever be enough for me to stop loving him. I tell him that

I love him, now more than ever, and he repeats the same to me. And I

know, somewhere behind us, Prime is watching, guarding, as he has always

done and as he will always continue to do.

My brother is home and he is alive and for now, that is all that matters.

/The next chapter will tell what Sunny learned and what his fate shall be…/

* * *

><p>*Chapter 4: Trials and Tribulations*<p>

*Prime's POV*

* * *

><p>I stood at the entrance to the base and watched them come together in a<p>

mixture of arms as the rain poured down around them. I knew from the way

Sunstreaker held on to him that Sideswipe was giving him his

forgiveness. I knew then that Sunstreaker would return. I could only

hope he carried with him evidence that would justify his actions. Until

then, though, as leader of this group, I had a job to do; and at that

moment, I hated being the leader.

"Prowl, come in," I called through the intercom that ran throughout the

base as well as through all of our systems.

"Go ahead, Prime," answered my tactician and head of security.

"Bring Ironhide and meet me at the entrance of the base."

"On our way." The com went silent as I waited and watched. Prowl hadn't

even asked why, he just did as he was told without question. I could

only hope Sideswipe would understand and wouldn't cause trouble. It was

the last thing any of us wanted, including Sunstreaker.

As I heard Prowl and Ironhide approach, I saw Sunstreaker finally

realize I was standing there. Almost painfully, I watched him step away

from his brother. He turned his gaze back to Sideswipe and I watched as

he slid his fingers alongside his brother's face. Words were exchanged

once more and I saw Sideswipe look my way as Prowl came up on my left

and Ironhide on my right. I saw anger as he turned back and quickly

began to shake his head. Sunstreaker pulled him close and whispered

something to him, which seemed to calm him for the moment. When they

separated once more, Sideswipe took his arm and helped him walk towards us.

"Prime, are you sure about this?" Ironhide asked quietly.

"If we do not do things as they should be done, you know as well as I

that we could have a mutiny on our hands," I answered quietly. "I don't

like it anymore than you, believe me."

"I'll do what I can for him," Prowl said quietly. I nodded just as the

twins stopped before us.

"Optimus Prime, I ask for permission to enter the base and I accept the

consequences of such actions," Sunstreaker said quietly. I looked at him

and did my best to hide the sadness from my eyes. He was battered,

dented, bruised, missing part of his chest plate and unable to see out

of one optic. I began to wonder if Ironhide wasn't right after all.

"Permission is granted for you to enter, Sunstreaker." He nodded and

glanced at his brother.

"Let go, Side's," he pleaded in a whispered tone. "Please, let them do

their job and then I promise you everything will be okay. I promise."

Sideswipe looked at him for a moment then nodded slowly and released the

hold on his brother. Sunstreaker touched him on the face one more time

then turned and stepped towards Ironhide and Prowl. They both looked at

him, concern on both their faces. "It's all right," Sunstreaker said,

bowing his head slightly. "I knew what I was coming home to."

"Sunstreaker, look at me, please," Prowl asked softly. Sunstreaker

looked up at him. I looked at them both, worriedly. "I have to take you

into custody. I have to write up the charges and I have to share my

concerns and decisions with the board. If you can promise me that you

will not leave your quarters accept to go to the infirmary, I will ask

to have you remanded to your brother's custody and you will be placed on

base arrest until the trial begins." Sunstreaker nodded and met Prowl's

gaze head on.

"You have my word," he answered. Prowl nodded.

"Good enough. Shall we?" Sunstreaker nodded and followed behind Prowl as

Ironhide walked next to him. I turned to Sideswipe who watched them

leave then looked up at me.

"What happens now?" he asked, concern in every word.

"Prowl will take him to the brig and call Ratchet down to check him out

while he writes up the charges and his recommendations which will be

presented to the board. The board consists of myself, Ironhide, Mirage,

Inferno, Hound and Bluestreak. I have no doubt that Sunstreaker will be

in your custody by this evening." I watched the red mech think this over

then nod slowly as if comprehending it all.

"And the trial?"

"Depending on what evidence he can give Prowl will depend on if there's

a trial and, if so, what charges are to be issued, the arguments and

whether or not it is a trial for time in solitary or if a guilty finding

would result in his deactivation." I watched him tense up, saw the fear

in his eyes and I reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I will

do whatever I can within my power to keep him alive, Sideswipe. You have

my word." He nodded slowly.

"Can I go down to the brig and wait with him?"

"Of course." Sideswipe nodded and slowly walked away. I had a feeling it

was going to be a very long day.

* * *

><p>*Prowl's POV*<p>

If I did not know better, I would have thought all the injuries

sustained by Sunstreaker were self-inflicted with the exception of the

darkened left optic. I have seen him hurt himself before, but nothing

like this. I knew these injuries had been sustained at the hands of the

Decepticons. I only hoped he could justify his previous actions. I did

not want to be the one to have to deactivate him if it came to that.

Behind me, I hear Ironhide talking softly to the mech and I can only

hope that his brother will listen to reason before coming down here to

be with him. They are inseparable when given the choice and we have all

learned that it is best to leave them be.

I do not want to have to put Sunstreaker on trial. I hope it will not

come to that. We have not put one of our own on trial since long before

Cybertron was destroyed. Times have changed and there are many here that

do not like Sunstreaker only because he keeps to himself and is known

for his bouts of rage. What they do not understand is that Sunstreaker

was not always like this; watching the attacks on his brother is what

drove him to become what he is now.

As we arrive in the brig, Sunstreaker sits down in a chair as Ironhide

calls Ratchet down from the infirmary. I have a feeling the medic is not

going to be happy about us bringing him down here first, but I have a

job to do and I must do it as quickly as possible. As we wait for

Ratchet to arrive, I turn to face my well-known charge. He looks as if

he has already been sentenced to deactivation. I wish I knew how to help

him.

"Have you no faith in those who care for you, Sunstreaker?" I ask him

quietly. He looks up at me slowly and tilts his head slightly.

"I have faith in one," he answers softly and I wonder if we have already

lost him. I sit across from him and pick up a data pad to begin making

my notations. I watch him reach under his damaged chest plate and pull

out a microchip, which he slowly hands over to me. I can see his fear.

"Why are you afraid?" I ask, taking the chip from him and sliding it

into the port on the data pad in my hands.

"I have no copy of that chip," he answers, looking down. "If it is lost

or tampered with, I have no way to prove my claims." The chip syncs with

the data pad as Ratchet enters the room, Ironhide closing the door

behind him. He sees Sunstreaker and for a moment, I think he will turn

around and leave but when Sunstreaker looks up at him, I see something

inside of the medic melt.

"Were you planning to stay here and let your injuries worsen or were you

planning on letting me help you at some point?"

"I needed to do this first, Ratchet," Sunstreaker answered, his voice

still that same monotone quality it's had since he first entered the

base. "I'm sorry for the trouble it causes you to have to come down here

and fix me." Sunstreaker looks back down and Ratchet looks over at me

and I can do little more than shrug my shoulders. For all intents and

purposes it is as if the mech has completely given up all hope

completely. Ratchet turns back and kneels next to him.

"It's my job to take care of you guys, you know that. It's no trouble

for me to come down here but I'd feel better if I could keep you in the

infirmary over night to make sure everything really is okay. I have a

feeling it's going to take some work to get that left optic of yours

back to normal again."

"Sunstreaker," I begin quietly, "While Ratchet works his magic, I'm

going to take a look at what you brought back and then we can talk." He

nods and Ironhide walks over to stand next to me as we scroll through

the information on the chip he'd just handed over to me. The more I see

the more I realize just how much we have to be thankful for at that

moment. I also realize that we all owe Sunstreaker more apologies than

ever before.

On the data pad, Ironhide and I get a good look at Cliffjumper

conspiring with Starscream inside Decepticon headquarters. We hear

conversations, which prove that Cliffjumper set up the ambush on

Sideswipe, which justifies Sunstreaker's actions right after Sideswipe

was brought home. With all the information he has brought us, I know

there will be no trial. And yet, I still do not understand why

Sunstreaker has give up hope.

Until the video continues and we watch as Sunstreaker exposes his

whereabouts to the group of Decepticons willingly when he guns down

Cliffjumper without apology. The footage continues for only a couple of

minutes but in that time, Sunstreaker is outnumbered, shot up, battered,

and left for dead as the Decepticons flee. But in a last ditch effort on

his part to right the crimes of the past, Sunstreaker sets off a grenade

and manages to finally rid himself and us of Starscream, Barricade,

Thrust and a few others.

I look up finally as Ratchet finishes what he can and leaves his patient

to come to Ironhide and myself.

"I need to take him to the infirmary," he says quietly. I nod slowly.

"Take him then. Once I have shown this to the board, no charges will be

filed against him." Sunstreaker looks up slowly at my words and for a

brief moment I think I see hope in his one working optic and then he

grows sad once more.

"Prowl," he calls quietly. I walk over and kneel next to him. "I must

ask you to do something for me."

"Whatever I can," I answer, resting a hand on his knee.

"Make sure Sideswipe sees all of that. Please." I nod slowly as he turns

to Ratchet. "Ratchet, what did you do with Sideswipe's memory banks that

were erased from his core?"

"They're still catalogued and locked away, Sunny. Why?"

"I think it's time he knew the truth," Sunstreaker answered softly.

"It's time they all knew…"

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV*<p>

I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm supposed

to do. Everyone is looking at me as if they expect me to say something;

as if they expect me to do as I have always done and defend my twin. I

can't even look at them. There is anger within me at them all because

they knew what Sunny had done and yet they never said a word. They knew

why he'd become the way he was and no one had done anything to help him

or stop him and they'd all left me out of the loop.

"Sideswipe," Optimus said quietly. "You should know that it was

Sunstreaker's decision to show all of this to you." Like that's supposed

to somehow make it all okay? Are you kidding me?

"Hey, Side's, listen," Ratchet began, "Sunny did what he thought was

right for you. He has always done everything to protect you. He didn't

want to see you…" He falters and I finally look up at them.

"Didn't want to see me what? Become like him? How was he to know that

would happen? How could any of you known how I would be? And the thing

is, none of us will ever know because Sunstreaker decided to play

Creator and take away all those memories from me! He chose to run my

life and you all let him!"

"He wanted to protect you, Sideswipe," Prowl said quietly. "We thought

he would know best. He's your twin and we have all learned that it is

better to stand back than to interfere with either one of you. He wanted

you to be happy, to be as you always were."

"And while I got to live happily and free of all these horrible

memories, Sunny had to live with all of it, not just his actions but the

memories of everything ever done to me by our enemies. Explain to me how

that is better." No one spoke. I hadn't really expected them to

understand. "Is he being charged with anything?"

"No," Optimus answered. "His actions were all justified due to his

findings that Cliffjumper was, indeed, a traitor." I nodded slowly.

"I need some time alone if you don't mind. Please." They all stood and

slowly left the room, leaving me alone with the images that played

silently on the screen before me now. My memories, ones that had been

stolen from me, as well as the video recording of Sunny's recon mission.

I didn't understand any of it. Why had he done it? Why hadn't he let me

deal with everything myself? Did he not trust that I could handle it all?

"Sideswipe." I sighed heavily.

"Yes, Ratchet?" I answered without turning around.

"I'm keeping your brother in the infirmary overnight. I just wanted you

to know."

"Will he be okay?" I heard Ratchet sigh and it worried me. I turned

around to face him.

"I don't know, Sideswipe. I wish I had the answer to that question. I

can repair him, yes, but will he be okay? I just don't know." I tilted

my head to one side.

"What's wrong with him?" Ratchet slowly shook his head.

"I think he's giving up on himself." I didn't know what to say to that

as Ratchet turned and walked away. I let him go. I didn't think I could

see Sunstreaker right now. I wasn't so sure I could keep my temper.

I looked back at the screen as it replayed the incident that had led to

the current situation. I watched Sunstreaker come to my aid and then

watched as he killed two Seekers and then tortured Thundercracker. Part

of me still couldn't believe I was watching my brother and the other

part of me understood why he'd erased all this from my memory.

"I always thought that as long as I was around you'd never be hurt." My

breath caught and I couldn't speak. I didn't dare move. "I never dreamed

that they were hurting you to get to me. After what happened on

Cybertron, I thought Megatron had learned his lesson. I should have

known better. I found out this time that every attack against you was

just some way to hurt me, to drive me to action, to break me in some

way. I would do anything to keep you safe." I heard him moving behind me

but I still couldn't move or speak. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder

and I sighed softly and leaned back, feeling my head connect with his

still damaged chest plate. "I will always do everything in my power to

keep you safe and alive because without you I'm nothing."

"You're not a god, Sunny," I whispered almost angrily. "You can't keep

stealing my memories every time something bad happens to me. You had no

right to keep all of this from me."

"I know," he answered softly. He pulled back and I made no move to stop him.

"You should go," I told him quietly, trying to keep the pain from my

voice. "Ratchet wants to keep you overnight."

"Okay," he said and I heard the defeat in his voice but I couldn't call

him back. I was too angry and hurt still. I didn't know what to do, who

to believe or trust. I turned to face him.

"Damnit, Sunny, you're my brother! My twin. We have a bond that goes

deeper than anything else in this world. How could you do this?" I was

yelling now and I watched him bow his head and slowly shake it in

silence. "Did you honestly think I'd never know the truth one day? Why!

Just… Frag! Tell me why you did it!" He looked up at me slowly and I saw

the first trail of fluid leak from his right optic.

"Because I love you," he whispered brokenly before turning and walking

away. I watched him go and found I couldn't say anything to him as he

left. I caught a glimpse of red in the corner of my eye and turned

around just as Optimus turned the corner that led to another part of the

base. I slammed my hand into the wall and fell to my knees. What had I

just done…

* * *

><p>TBC… please read and review. Thanks!/

*Chapter 5: Stories*

*Ratchet's POV*

* * *

><p>Three weeks have passed since Sunstreaker returned to us and he spent<p>

those first two weeks here in the infirmary with me. His sight was

damaged beyond what I could fully repair. The left optic lights up but

his sight is limited with it. He has said he can live with it. His only

visitors during those two weeks were Prime and Prowl. Sam had come to

get Bumblebee and had been introduced to the yellow mech and then to his

red twin. He had later confided that it seemed to him as if something

almost irreparable had come between them. I had silently agreed.

Ironhide had left the same day as Bumblebee. He was returning to Captain

Lennox and his family who lived just outside Tranquility. The rest of us

remained here.

Sunstreaker has been closed up in his own quarters now for the past

week. Sideswipe remains in what use to be there shared quarters.

Sunstreaker spent that first week in the infirmary asking for his

brother. By the second week he'd stopped asking for him, knowing by then

that Sideswipe wouldn't be coming to see him anytime soon. The yellow

mech confided to me quietly one evening that he knew he'd lost his

brother for good this time and, try as I might to tell him otherwise, he

had given up. I had cornered Sideswipe a couple of days later and the

red twin had silently listened to my lecture and had walked away without

saying a word.

I've spoken to Optimus and he has told me that, the night of

Sunstreaker's return, the yellow twin had gone to apologize to Sideswipe

and had tried to explain everything to him but that the red mech had

dismissed him from his sight. The last thing Sunstreaker had told his

brother was that he'd done everything because he loved him and Sideswipe

hadn't replied. I finally recognized the problem.

Sunstreaker had been so hardened by everything that had ever happened to

his brother that I'm not sure when the last time those words had ever

come out of his vocal receptors. Sunstreaker just doesn't come out and

say, "I love you" to anyone, including his brother. Oh sure, he has his

ways of showing his feelings, but to actually voice them? Never. Now I

understood. Sunstreaker had taken a risk and had finally said the words

to his brother, albeit probably not at the best of times, and Sideswipe

had not returned the sentiment and now the yellow twin felt as if his

brother had rejected him for good.

Honestly, I was beginning to fear for his sanity. He stayed locked up in

his room unless he was specifically asked to do patrol or something

else. He'd do his job and then he'd go right back to his room and lock

himself in once more. When I mentioned it to Prowl, he told me it wasn't

unlike the times when he'd had to lock the warrior up in solitary for

some infraction or another. Sunstreaker would retreat within himself. I

knew that was happening now.

But Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are unique, rare, and that is the problem.

Only Optimus understands the relationship between brothers, and even

then he was never close to Megatron like Sunny and Sides were before all

of this happened. I do not know anyone who can relate to what they are

experiencing…

And then Ironhide came back with Captain Lennox one day and the human

said he wanted to talk to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. He said he thought

he might be able to help.

Optimus decided that it couldn't hurt and had allowed the human into our

base and had escorted him to Sunstreaker's rooms and had left him to

deal with the moody mech warrior.

* * *

><p>*Will Lennox POV*<p>

The first thing I'd noticed when Ironhide returned to me was that he

seemed distracted and unhappy. I thought maybe he hadn't really wanted

to return and I was prepared to let him return to his comrades. But that

night, he had transformed into his robot form and he was sitting out in

the empty field when I walked out and sat next to him. That was when

he'd told me about the brothers and about what had happened. It

explained where he'd been the last month and I listened carefully as he

told me everything that had happened up to the day he'd left to return

here to my family and me.

"I just don't know what else to do for 'em," he said quietly. "They've

always been close and I just never thought anythin' would ever split 'em

up."

"Brothers sometimes spend so much time together that time apart is

what's needed in order for them to reforge that bond," I explained.

"I don't understand how bein' apart can make 'em close again," the

autobot had replied and I smiled.

"There is an old Earth saying that goes, 'Absence makes the heart grow

fonder'. Basically, what it means is, while you love being together with

someone, time apart often makes your reunion and the time spent

afterwards even better and brings you even closer." Ironhide slowly

shook his head.

"They would kill anyone that separated 'em," he said with a heavy sigh.

"I've seen Sunny attack enough people for tryin' to take Sides away from

him. I've seen Sides act the same way. What I can't understand this time

is why Sides won't fight for him, bring him back to us."

"This one called Sunstreaker, you said he made decisions regarding his

brother's life and that the brother was upset with him for it?" Ironhide

nodded.

"Thing is, we all understand why Sunny did what he did. I mean, hell, if

we could've done it to Bee we'd have done it. I mean, no one should have

to remember that torture he went through at Megatron's hands before

Sides tried to rescue him." I nodded slowly. I'd heard the story of

Bumblebee's torture from Sam one night as the boy had sat next to me and

cried. Like Sam, I we beginning to feel a bond with my own guardian and

I felt badly for Ironhide in that moment because he seemed genuinely

concerned about the brothers in his unit.

"I had a brother," I began softly. Ironhide looked over at me. "We were

only eleven months apart so we might as well have been twins. We were

inseparable from the time I was born."

"Where is he now?"

"He's dead," I whispered and I felt Ironhide's hand on my shoulder,

trying to convey his own sense of comfort. "Listen, 'Hide, why don't you

and I take a ride to base tomorrow. I think maybe I can talk with your

twins and maybe help them out." Ironhide nodded.

"We'd appreciate that, Captain Lennox. Thank you…"

And so, here I am, standing outside the locked door that led to the room

of the one named Sunstreaker. I knocked a couple of times before the

door was unlocked. I pushed it open and entered the room, closing the

door behind me.

"Sunstreaker? My name is Will Lennox. I was wondering if you and I could

talk?" I glanced around the room, which was bare except for the bed that

sat against one wall and the autobot who sat against the other. He

looked up at me and his blue optics reminded me of Bumblebee's for a

moment. "You feel up to some human company?" The autobot tilted his head

for a moment then nodded slowly. I sat down next to him and he looked

down at me then back to the wall across from us. "Can I tell you a

story, Sunstreaker?" When he didn't answer, I wondered if maybe his

voice had been damaged like Bee's but then I heard him, faint and soft,

but there was so much pain in that voice that I knew I might be here awhile.

"I like stories," he whispered. "Sides use to tell me stories…" I knew

then that I had his attention.

* * *

><p>*Sunstreaker's POV*<p>

I had not been expecting the human to enter my room and yet his presence

was much more calming than that of my fellow Autobots. I had a small

hope that perhaps my brother had finally come around, but I begin to

believe that hope should be let go.

"Can I tell you a story, Sunstreaker?" he asked me and for a moment I

couldn't speak. No one had ever told me stories… except Sides.

"I like stories," I whispered to him. "Sides use to tell me stories." I

trailed off and left that sentence incomplete. I didn't want to talk

about my twin right now. I wasn't so sure I could do so without hurting

the human or myself. Speaking of the human… "To whom do you belong?" The

human chuckled and I looked down at him again.

"Depends on who you ask," he said with a smile. "My wife would tell you

I belong to her, the military would say I belong to them and Ironhide

would say I belong to him so take you're pick. I'll never be a free

man." I smiled at him, understanding completely what he was saying.

"You have a good guardian in Ironhide," I told him. "He's a good friend,

too."

"Yes he is," Lennox answered. "Look, he told me a little about what's

been happening and I know that brother's are rare in your lives and that

twins are even more rare. Humans have siblings all the time and twins

aren't as rare here as they are where you come from. See, I had a

brother once upon a time." I tilted my head as my bio scan of him

revealed that he was unhappy, but not angry. He was sad. Speaking of his

brother had made him this way. I wondered why.

"Why does mention of your brother make you sad?"

"Well, that's the story," he answered quietly. "See, my brother,

Christopher, was eleven months older than me so we might as well have

been twins. We were inseparable once I was born. We did everything

together." I nodded. Sides and I had always been that was as well. "As

we got older, everyone thought we'd go our separate ways but we never

did. We hung with the same group of friends, our girlfriends in high

school were sisters and we even went to proms together. When Sarah and I

got engaged, Christopher announced his engagement as well. We even

planned a double wedding."

"Who is Sarah?" I asked curiously. He smiled and I picked up on the

happiness within him.

"She's my wife and we also have a baby, a daughter. Anyway, the

engagements were announced and I finished college and decided I was

going in the military." For a moment the human stopped speaking and I

picked up on the sadness again. "And that's when things between

Christopher and I began to fall apart. You see, he had no faith in our

military. He thought the wars we were fighting were useless and that I

was putting myself in needless danger for no reason. I argued back that

I was joining the military because I wanted to make a difference. I

believed in my morals and my rights and I believed that everyone should

have the right to be free to make their own choices and live their own

lives. He told me if I went in to the military he wouldn't be following

me. I told him that was his choice…"

He stopped for a moment and I picked up on the fact that he was having a

small amount of trouble breathing.

"Are you in need of medical attention?" I asked him quietly and he

slowly shook his head. That's when I noticed that his eyes were wet but

I said nothing else about it.

"So, I signed on with the military and went to basic training. When I

came home three months later, I found out that Christopher and Sarah's

sister had called off their engagement and that Christopher had taken a

job in sales and barely came home to visit anyone. I went to visit him

and we both said a lot of ugly things to each other. When I left, I told

him I loved him, that he was my brother, and I would always love him. He

didn't say anything, just turned his back on me and walked away." I

watched as streaks of what humans called tears fell down the human's

face. "The uh… the next day, a police officer showed up at the house to

tell us that… that Christopher had taken his own life the night before.

Apparently right after I'd left him."

"You blame yourself for his death," I said softly and he nodded slowly.

"All I could think of was that I was so upset that he hadn't told me he

still loved me and I left him alone. I kept thinking that, if only I'd

stayed, maybe he'd still be alive."

"I did things I shouldn't have done," I told him quietly. He looked up

slowly and I sighed heavily. "My brother was attacked back on Cybertron

and it was so horrendous that I had his memory banks erased of the

incident. More recently, he was attacked again and I did some things I

didn't want him to know about so I had his memory erased of the incident

once again. But then I gave it all back to him and after he'd seen it

all, I went to him and told him in my own way that I was sorry for what

I'd done. He yelled at me and I let him and then he asked why I'd done

it and I told him it was because I loved him. When he didn't say

anything in return, I left." I sighed once more and turned my attention

back to the human. "I don't want to live without him, Will, I've never

had to live without him and now, for three weeks, he has not come to see

me or spoken to me and I fear I have lost him for good."

"Have you tried seeking him out?" Will asked me and I slowly shook my

head. "Why not?"

"I wronged him," I answered. "I should wait for him to find me." Will

shook his head.

"Go find him, Sunstreaker. Fight for him. Don't give up on him because I

can pretty much guarantee that he's feeling what you feel right now. He

thinks you don't seek him out because he couldn't tell you he loved you

at that moment. He's your brother, man. He loves you. He will always

love you even if he can't tell you. Whenever people get mad at each

other, they have a hard time saying those words, but it doesn't mean

they don't still feel it." I watch as he stands and I realize I have

just made my first human friend and I smile at him.

"Thank you, Will Lennox," I said as I slowly stood as well. "I think

I'll go track him down. Want to come?"

"No thanks," he said with a chuckle. "I need to get back home before

Sarah throws a fit about me running away with my truck again." I laughed

at that because Sam had said the same thing about Bumblebee once before.

Bumblebee, I thought somewhat soberly. "You're frowning again," Will

said quickly.

"I was just remembering that there is someone else I need to talk to

once I've settled things with my brother."

"Mind if I ask who?"

"The boy's guardian," I answered and Will nodded slowly.

"Bumblebee?"

"Yes. The little one has been through a lot in our lives and I've never

told him that what he sacrificed in order to keep our comrades safe was

the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do in a long time." I smiled

again and bent down just a little. "If you ever decide to ditch the

truck and get a sports car, just let me know." He laughed and shook his

head.

"I may call you in sixteen years when my daughter is old enough to

drive." We walked out of my quarters and Ironhide stood waiting for us.

I gave the older mech a quick smile before I turned back to the human.

"Thank you again, Will. I hope to see you again soon." With that, I

turned and made my way down the hall, leaving Will with his own

guardian. What he'd said had made sense and I knew it was time to

swallow my pride and take the first step to getting Sideswipe back once

again…

/TBC/

*Chapter 6: Forged in Steel*

* * *

><p>*Sideswipe's POV *<p>

I keep telling myself that I should have gone to see Sunny while he was

in the infirmary. I knew he was asking for me, but I just couldn't face

him and, believe it or not, it had nothing to do with my being angry.

Honestly, I was no longer angry, not after he'd come to me that night

and told me he loved me. Don't get me wrong. I've always known he loved

me, but to hear him say it that way, I was shocked and I couldn't say

anything and then I saw Prime and well… here I am. Feeling sorry for

myself. What a waste.

The reason I couldn't face him is because I blamed myself for all of

this. I blamed myself for my brother being hurt, not just physically but

by the others around us. They all think he's a murderer, even though

almost every autobot here has seen the video chip that use to be my

memory banks. I had Ratchet return my memories to me and he'd agreed,

albeit grudgingly. I needed those memories. I needed the truth and I

have it now. My brother would do anything to save me, including destroy

himself.

I can't let him go on thinking I don't love him or that I haven't

forgiven him. I forgave him that day in the rain as I held him in my

arms and told him I was still his and that he still belonged to me and

nothing would ever change that. I could never leave him and yet, I did…

I hurt him. Oh Primus, what have I done?

I stand from the bunk with every intention of going after my brother

when there is a knock at my door. For a moment, I can't bring myself to

answer the door, to see yet another 'bot standing there begging me to

fix this thing between me and Sunny… but then I take a step forward,

open the door and find matching blue optics watching me, waiting, and

hoping that I won't screw this up yet again…

"Before you say anything, please, just let me talk," he whispers and I

nod, stepping back and letting him inside. He steps in and closes the

door behind him. I am not oblivious to the fact that he also locks the

door as well. It doesn't frighten me that he's done this. If anything,

it gives me hope that I haven't lost him. "I need you to understand why

I did the things I did." He looks at me and nods slowly, sitting down on

the bunk. He stands before me and leans against the wall.

"You have always, always, been more important to me than anything or

anyone in this universe. I saw what the horror of our war was doing to

me. I had given up my art; I'd lost my ability to be social, friendly,

and happy. You still had all that innocence, that part of you I loved

the most. When you and me and Jazz and Bee were captured I had to sit

there and watch everything that happened to you and I knew…" I watch as

Sunny looks up towards the ceiling then back down at the floor again. "I

knew I'd kill them all before it was over and I would do anything and

everything to save you." This time he looked up and looked straight at

me. "Even if it meant betraying everything I stood for and joining the

Decepticon forces. But as it turned out, all I had to do to save you was

erase your memories and live with my own memories and guilt."

I watched as he started pacing the small space slowly, arms crossed over

his chest as he did so.

"There were times when I jealous of the fact that you were so happy,

that everyone liked you and trusted you. Everyone had me labeled as a

murder, a psychopath, someone to never be fully trusted. I guess they

were right." He stopped and looked back over at me. "All I have ever

wanted was to keep you safe, to keep you as you always should have been

and to not ever let you be harmed no matter what. I failed in that,

twice." He walked over to me and knelt in front of me, his hands resting

on my legs. "You have to know that I love you, Sides. I hope, somewhere

inside that CPU of yours that you know I only ever do anything like this

out of love for you. And I can only hope that one day you will forgive

me and you will love me again." He started to stand but I grabbed his

wrists and pulled him back down to his knees and I held him there,

watching him, waiting for his eyes to meet mine.

"I was angry with you at first, but then I realized, as I sat there

watching my memories play across the screen that you did the only thing

you could think of to do and I knew, even after you left me that night,

that you did it out of love for me and Sunny, listen to me and listen

good. I have never, ever stopped loving you and I never will. I swear to

Primus that I will never leave you or make you doubt me or yourself ever

again." I probably would have said more but I found myself pinned to the

bunk with my brother looming over me. For a moment, he still looked

loss, as if some small part of him still doubted everything I'd just

said. I did the only thing I could think to do. I reached up and drew

him down and kissed him…

I won't say things were fixed right then and there because they weren't.

Sunny was still healing and he had nightmares for a while. So did I for

that matter, but we took the bunk bed apart and pushed the two beds next

to each other and being able to recharge while he was in my arms seemed

to keep the nightmares at bay for us both.

I can only hope, as time goes on, that Sunstreaker will find it within

himself to let the others see in him what I see and that, eventually,

he'll forgive himself. He already knows he has my forgiveness just as he

knows he will always have my love; and sometimes, that's what hurts the

most.


End file.
